Football teams continually spend millions of dollars on certain key players and justify it by saying that this one or that one will bring them the "two extra wins" they so desperately need this season.
I have a much less expensive deal for them. Hire me on as the Time Out Coach for a mere $200,000 and I will get them those two extra wins. (Cheap at only $100,000 apiece).

You know what happens down there on the field in the heat of battle. It gets crazy down there! Many teams blow it at the ends of the half's over and over again without fail. I think the fans at home really have a better sense of when to call a time out.

We have developed this much needed skill out of the necessity of knowing when to take our snack and bathroom breaks, make that phone call, flip the channel, do that Sunday chore quickly during halftime, etc. All of this has to be accomplished without missing any small piece of game action, and thus, an extremely good sense of timing has been honed by the fans over the course of watching hundreds of football games.

Of course, fan status will have to be dropped once hired on in the official position of Time Out Coach. But not to the extent that this newly appointed Timeout Coach shouldn't be near his usual fan items - a bag of potato chips, refrigerator, and the usual weekend "chore" list. Of course this list will be glanced at and ignored, but attaining the proper atmosphere is very important.

Teams should understand that the Time Out responsibility needs to be taken seriously, and handled by the converted armchair fan, and not just someone who studies game and half time endings until he's blue in the face. Also, he must stay with just that one responsibility. Don't put the Timeout Coach down on the sidelines or make him do anything else. Injured players, missing equipment, dirty footballs, soda and juice for the players or whatever should not be his concern.

We'll just spot our guy there on the sidelines, in a little makeshift cubicle, while the field action goes on all around him. Surroundings are important to this task, and some isolation is necessary. He'll be watching the game on a TV set, with his hand resting on the remote, which is rigged up to blast a "TIME OUT" message to the Head Coach.

You know that Inspired by his good use of the clock, that many games will be saved by this extraordinary fellow watching carefully as the game winds down. Don't be surprised if he disappears for a moment or so (bathroom break) at might what might seem to be the hottest moment. He'll be back in plenty of time, and over the next few minutes, thanks to him, as the game winds down, the timing will be perfect as they get the kicker ready, make that last drive downfield, eat up the clock as the opposing team panics, and call that last timeout before going on to win it all!
Yeah, that's the job for me - Time Out Coach.